Reverse Resolutions

There are a lot of goals I want to accomplish in the coming year but I've been hesitant to put anything in writing because I always seem to fold under the weight of my commitments sooner or later. That and "resolutions" if you will, always sound so cheesy when you write them down. So this year I got an idea to do things a bit differently.

I have decided to play on my own tendency to be a habitual dissenter and do the opposite of whatever it is I'm told to do. With that in mind I have compiled my goals using the age old pseudo-science of "Reverse Psychology". I'm confident that this will enable me to achieve anything I wish.


Complicate Life:

The best things in life are complicated, just look at how many buttons are on your X-Box controller and you will know what I'm talking about. In the coming year I hope to amass more crap than any one person could want or need, if its shiny and new I'm buying it.

In addition to all my new things and the credit card bill to match I hope to over-commit myself to the point of not being able to truly experience or enjoy any of the things I participate in.


Serve Myself:

Giving and self-sacrifice are overrated. Everything I do in 2010 will be with numero uno in mind, even if it is to a destructive end. Relationships and community will just have to take a back seat, third row even, one with no room for their knees.


Create Work that is Deemed as Cool by the Masses Instead of Honest Unto Myself:

I'm on the hunt for that quick fix that is gonna make me famous no matter how lo-brow, dishonest or generic it may be.

I've given up Bob Dylan as my artistic role model and traded him in for The Black Eyed Peas. Fergie Rulezzzz!


Be More Unhealthy than I am Already:

I hope to avoid exercise and any other physical activity at all costs. There is no need to wear out the old ticker any sooner than necessary by introducing the added stress of raising my heart rate for extended periods of time.

To supplement my sluggish physical undertakings I am committed to intake mass amounts of hi-fat over-processed food at least six times daily. All that extra body fat should help keep me warm on chilly Phoenix nights.